its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
