Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
