we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
