He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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