nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
