We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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