ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
