I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
