i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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