I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
