suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Bring me that man meat
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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