I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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