No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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