Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
