apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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