I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
