you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
