You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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