So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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