Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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