____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
