OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
