I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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