Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
