i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
