Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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