just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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