Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
