This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
