she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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