i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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