I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
