**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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