My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
