He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I won the penis lottery.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
