hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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