I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
