I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
