dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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