he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
