last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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