im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
