Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set

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(219): View more from Indiana

I thought Christmas was going to come before I did

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(201): View more from New Jersey

bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?

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(916): View more from California

WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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(510): View more from California

Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.

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