Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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