i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want to be your penis for a week.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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