I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
