you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
