you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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