this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you had me at cake vodka
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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