its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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