Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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