i just had sex bonerless
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
