Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
