We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
