C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
