Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
