I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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