the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
