hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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