so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
