Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
