I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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