Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
