That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
